perspective 1

Dorothy Elizabeth Lea Pederick (Jones)

On Friday night my Grandmother passed away. She lived a full life of 85 years. I’m glad she is now at peace, but she will be missed.

Last year I decided to ask a bunch of people 7 questions to try and get an eye in to what things looked like from their perspective in life. While I haven’t yet posted any of those conversations, I have spoken with a few people now. The first was my grandmother.

As I reflected this weekend I wanted to share her responses. The answers here are rough quotes, not word for word, but hopefully they offer a snapshot of the life of my grandmother and of what life looks like through the lense of 85 years of life.

 

1. What are the things in life which are most important to you?

My Christian faith and my family, from my children through to my great-grandchildren, who I see as a direct gift from God.  Also the input I get to have into their lives and prayerful support is important.

2. What is one thing you wish someone had told/taught you in your 20’s?

We started ministry at 21 years old at bible college.  People expected us to know life’s answers for everything because we had training.  I wish at the time that someone had told me what I needed was genuine compassion and a listening ear. Even if you don’t have the answers, if you can offer people a good listening ear and concern you will likely help them to find their own answers.

3. Has your perspective on life changed in the last 10 years?

Most certainly! I’m not only old but I’m alone now and having to make decisions by yourself certainly changes your perspective on things. Age hinders you from doing some things. What is important to me hasn’t changed, but what I do about it has. God opens different doors in life than before.

4. What are the big questions you find yourself asking about life now?

Where is it all going to end??? There is a technology and information overload.

As I watch things happening in life I can see very strongly that human emotions have been effected more and more as technology has developed. I can see technology crowding out human relationships. The TV and the computer have become the important things in life.

5. Is there anything that you are fearful of?

Along with looking at the way technology is taking over, the sin and crime that is happening in the world. I’m fearful about how my grandchildren and great-grandchildren will cope in years to come and how they will be affected by that.

I don’t fear death. My biggest fear is for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

6. Looking back, if you could change one thing, what would it be?

I would have spent more time developing the person God made me to be. When I was young you never ever admitted you could do things. That was proud. Women were expected to be home keepers. I have since learnt that the things God has given you are gifts, not things to be proud of. I have the gifts of singing and preaching but they were things that women never did so I never developed them. I wish I had developed those things.

7. Looking back, what are the biggest things you are thankful that you did?

That I accepted Jesus when I was very young. That I found my life’s partner when I was very young. Also that I had the opportunity to work in such a variety of ministries; rural ministry, religious instruction in schools, work in slum areas, parish work, supporting people towards mission work and more.

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hero or villain?

Tash & I went to see Man of Steel. We had delayed seeing it for a few days but Tash was about to pop out of her skin with excitement, so before things got messy we went to the cinema last Friday. I enjoyed it. Tash thought it was incredible.

I have to say though, that it neatly follows the well-worn path of pretty much every action film. Basically, there is the good (looking) guy – the hero, and the bad guys – the villains. The bad guys do bad stuff (i.e. killing people). There is the battle between good and bad and ultimately the good guy wins and becomes our hero, a beacon of justice in our world.

It’s beautiful isn’t it?! Maybe a little obvious, but there is something attractive about this formula. It is nice to be able to look at the world with our neat little categories of “good” and “bad”. The good people do good stuff, the bad people do bad stuff. We know who to cheer for and how to feel about what happens.

I sometime (or often) wish that life worked like this. Unfortunately, there seems to be a whole lot of grey in life. A whole lot of good and bad at the same time.

We all remember the shock of the day we realised our parents didn’t have all the answers.

We remember the day we realised there were legitimate questions about our long-held beliefs or the day we were confronted with the fact that the person we wanted to hate was actually kinda nice. Then there is the day that our favourite and incorruptible star got locked up for getting drunk and punching someone. Or the day we gave our cat to our ever-helpful neighbours to look after only to discover that they ate it…

Life isn’t quite as clear-cut as the movies would have us believe. Yet, there is still a temptation to box things. To become wilfully blind about the things I don’t get or which don’t fit into my worldview.

Apparently Scott F. Fitzgerald (the guy who wrote The Great Gatsby) once said that “the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”

That’s hard.

How do you stop yourself from oversimplifying? Or avoid the temptation to categorise people as heroes to love or villains to hate? I want to learn how to see “another” perspective well, though I guess you could say I am neither good nor bad at this. Just a bit of both.

Incidentally, Man of Steel is neither a good film, nor a bad one. It’s also a bit of both.

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to my newest nephew…

Dear Harrison,

Welcome to life! We’re excited you joined us for the journey!

Tash and I are sad that we couldn’t be there for your dedication. We were there in heart, if not in body. We may not always be close, but we will always think of you and pray for you. And, while it may not mean much just yet, I wanted to give you some advice for the journey ahead…

Listen to your parents. They may not be perfect, but they have walked a few miles in life and have learnt a thing or two. They have important things to teach you to give you the best start in life. And though they will tell you, take it from an Aunt and Uncle who know them, they love you more than they will ever be able to express. If you have kids one day I’m sure you will then understand.

Walk your own path in life. Comparing ourselves to others is a temptation we all struggle with. We also all think it was a dumb thing to do in hindsight. As cliché as it is, you are your own person. There is no one exactly like you. Success in life is not being more like another person, it is learning how to be more yourself. So, walk your own path and hold your head high.

Don’t stop asking questions. There are so many great things to discover and you’ll never meet a person who can’t teach you anything. Questions are your best tool for learning.

Pay attention to your emotions. I know, this is the most un-Australian-bloke bit. Most guys don’t know what to do with emotions. The problem is, ignore them, and they will end up controlling you. Be a victim to them, and they will end up controlling you. Learn to be in control of your emotions, but engage them, and they will make your life so much richer.

Treat everything in life as an opportunity. I don’t mean that you need to pretend like things never hurt or don’t go as you want. But, if you can find an opportunity in every situation, you will soon discover that life doesn’t control you. You will also probably find yourself a step ahead of the crowd.

Learn the art of Joy. Joy is not situational and it’s not found in stuff. It’s found in yourself and in discovery of God. I know, it sounds airy! Getting stuff in life is really nice. Good circumstances are too. But real, deep joy – the good stuff – is something to discover and learn. You won’t find it in things.

Value everyone you meet. Relationships really are what life is all about. The four most important phrases you will ever learn to say are, “thank you,” “I love you,” “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.” They can also be the hardest things to say, but learn them. It’s worth it.

One day you will discover women. You won’t always understand them, but you don’t need to. They can be a pretty amazing gift. If you one day get the chance to say “I do,” just do two things right; show her how beautiful she is every day and help her to discover all that she is capable of being. You’ll have the opportunity to make another person’s life rich, and if you succeed, you’ll probably also discover your life is richer as well.

I think I have filled a page so I better stop. Asking someone to read more than a page is a bit much, even if you try to make it sound all wise. So let me leave you with a blessing. This is us, showing what our heart is for you, and asking it from God coz we believe he wants the same…

May God bless you…with eyes to see all the incredible beauty around you. With strength, to fight for justice and to hold to the things which are important. With grace, to relate with kindness and to transform hurt. With Love, to live life to the full.

With Love, Uncle Dave & Auntie Tash.

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a culture of bull****

Words of wisdom from Jon Lovett, the former speechwriter for Barack Obama. 17 minutes, but persevere, it’s worth it!

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small acts, big impacts

A couple of years ago I watched a film which was all about how people can make change in the world by simply using what they have; their gifts, their hobbies, their passions.  The film was a case in point for the makers who were a band trying to figure out how to impact the issue of slavery and human trafficking. Their gift: music.  Their impact: raising awareness of the issue by playing music around the country and through the resulting film.

Now, unfortunately we aren’t all famous which makes things a bit more difficult.  If you will let me boast for a second about my mum though, I’d like to offer another example.

My mum is a pretty crafty person. Her speciality is card-making. In fact, she is a bit of a card machine and produces some pretty elaborate work.

A while ago I suggested that she should sell her cards, which she has begun to do. Just half of the proceeds go back to her though so she can buy more materials. The other half goes towards supporting programs which help to rehabilitate woman who have been rescued from slavery and the sex trade.

In some ways it is such a simple and little thing. Yet, my mums’ card-making is helping to restore woman who have had their lives devastated, halfway around the world. That’s actually pretty cool!

I think I sometimes underestimate my ability to make change in the world. Maybe you can associate with me. Random little hobbies or half-giftings which I might have don’t seem like world-changing things. And yet, they are, if I’m prepared to use them.

So, good on ya mum! You’re a world changer.

If you would like to buy one – or one hundred – of her cards, or can help by selling them, then we’d love you to get in contact with us! =)

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lend me your learning

Two weeks into being engaged and my wedding spread sheet has 10 worksheets! I may be a bit anal, but clearly there is a lot to plan!

While it is fun to be doing this for the first time I am wishing I knew what to look out for in the planning process. I’m also pretty keen to make sure that the organising for a bunch of events and all the details of moving and living together don’t crowd out the growth of our relationship and our enjoyment of it. After all, that is what it is all about, right?!

So to all my married friends who have gone before I would love to get your wisdom on these things:

1. What is one thing you wish you had done differently for your engagement period or for your wedding?
2. What are one or two gems that you have learnt in your relationship which you wish someone had told you when you before you got married?

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i’m getting married

Let me introduce you to my fiancee!  Yes, I got down on one knee and asked the question.  Actually, I think it was two knees…I hope that didn’t look like desperation! Still, she said yes, so the rest is detail – or so I thought until the barrage of questions from people this last week. So, in the interests of public interest, here is the story…

Last Saturday was one year since Tash and I started dating. I arrived at Tash’s place early in the morning armed with her favourite flowers and ingredients for breakfast and dinner. I snuck in while she was still sleeping (not as creepy as it sounds) and put dinner in the slow cooker to be ready for the evening and began to get breakfast ready.

After a while Tash emerged to the smell of breakfast and we ate together and chatted. I gave her a necklace with a shoot with new growth on it. The standout thing in my mind from our first year together was it was a new thing which has been really life-giving. The necklace was kind of symbolic of this. Tash gave me some photos of us in frames she had made, along with lonely planet trekking guide to East Africa. Awesome!

Tash didn’t know it, but from there we were headed down to Manly to catch a three-hour whale-watching cruise! Three hours on the water in the sunshine with two sighting of an enormous mother and calf breaching. Incredible!

After the whale watching Tash had secretly planned for us to go bowling, before indulging at Max Brenners for lunch on Manly Wharf.

We headed from there up to Palm Beach. A stroll across the sand and then up the hill led us to the Barrenjoey Lighthouse with amazing views down the coast. I set out the little picnic with cheeses, salmon, sundried tomatoes … and her favourite cider.

As the sun set in the background throwing amazing colours across the sky I got down on my knee, told her that I thought we could have a beautiful life together, and asked her to marry me. She said yes!

After a long stay on the hill beside the lighthouse we headed back to Tash’s place for our Moroccan Tagine. A nice end to a beautiful day.

At this point I should probably confess that things didn’t entirely go to plan.

When I arrived at her place in the morning she wasn’t actually asleep. She had cottoned on to what I was up to so just stayed in her room to give me time!

The flowers weren’t actually her favourite flowers – just really similar. Actually, they were some other kind of flower which apparently means “rejection and disgust” or something. Perfect.

The day wasn’t actually sunny. In fact it sucked – so much so that they cancelled the cruise.

And, the weather didn’t improve. Gale force wind started blowing up the coast and there was no way we were getting to the lighthouse. Instead we went to a small, more sheltered, lookout near Warriewood where I proposed in between bouts of rain.

But, she said yes. So it kinda all went to plan really, right?!

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final distraction reflections – road bumps

As I began my perpective experiment it occured to me that I never offered my final reflections from my distraction experiment. Time to make a mends…

In 2010 I began my disctraction experiment. Over about eight months I gradually added eight items to my list of things which seemed like possible distractions and which I would try to avoid for the remainder of the year. They were: TV, chocolate, junk food, “stuff”, daydreaming, negativity and cynicism, technology and the internet (see the original posts for explanations of the implications of each one).

I had some successes and some failures along the way–and some very strange looks from people who I tried to explain the experiment to–but I did discover a few things in the process. Firstly, the road bumps…

 

Replacements

One thing I discovered very quickly in the experiment was how easy it was to replace one distraction with another. This lead me to the belief that while the idea of the experiment was good, it needed something more. I needed to be asking, “What am I replacing it with?”  This became something of a theme for me for the year as I recognised that I often tried to make possitive change which would end up being fruitless.  When getting rid of something negative in life I needed to fill the space with something positive, or I was ultimately unsuccsessful.

The feeling of failure

There were points at which I didn’t achieve what I wanted to. This takes a bit of managing. How do we fail but keep going without feeling like a failure. The times where I dealt with this well were when I admitted it, recognised that I was human, and went straight back to my resolve. The times where I didn’t were when I justified the failure and pretended like I hadn’t deviated from the resolve.

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top 5 regrets

After blogging about the perspective experiment which I will be doing this year I had a couple of friends send me the link to this article (thanks Tash & Ruth):

The top 5 regrets people have on their deathbed

These regrets were compiled by a lady who worked for many years in palliative care with patients who had gone home to die. An interesting read and very much in line with what I want to look at this year.  I’ll give you the summary version, but click on the link above to see the full article.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

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when the rubber hits the road

I don’t want to be too melodramatic or anything, but my building caught on fire last night.

I woke up to the sound of alarms around 2am and after removing my earplugs and becoming convinced that this was something I should investigate, wandered out to our balcony to try to figure out where they were coming from. People were gradually spilling out of the adjoining building to ours and smoke appeared to be coming from behind it and from the garage underneath. Shortly after Kim appeared out on the balcony.

“Is that smoke?!”.

“Yep.”

“Oh” she says, before turning and heading back towards her room. “I’m going back to bed.”

At this stage I was still not entirely convinced that this was the best plan and decided to investigate more – by moving from the balcony to a window. I was rudely interrupted though by someone official sounding (cos of course you can tell) banging on our door and yelling to evacuate.

After some work convincing my housemates that we needed to leave we wandered out of the building (or were forced to “flee” according to the Telegraph). Upon arriving at the front of the building I was suddenly glad I had picked up my phone. There was a fire. This was perhaps the first time I had something legitimately interesting for a Facebook status update! Even the media thought it worthwhile sending a few people over – about 20 minutes before the police.

One of my neighbours laughed as I chatted to her. “After all our training” she said, “we still just walked out of our apartment and straight into the lift, not even thinking of the fire stairs!”

I laughed. And I would have made fun of her, but we did the same. It’s funny how the clearest training or the best intentions can fly out the window in a moment.

It made me think about how I’d like to think of myself as more than well-intentioned. I would even like to imagine myself as a courageous person one day. But courage and action aren’t found in good intentions. They are revealed when the rubber hits the road.

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